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Tot Mom News

Creating Your Own Support System

I recently was asked by another mother at home, “What do you find most difficult about being an at-home mother?”

I replied, “No sick leave, days off, or vacation time. Hey, let’s form a union!”

We both laughed at the idea of a mothers’ union, but we realized we already had the next best thing: our mothers at home support group.

A little over a year has passed since I mentioned at a La Leche League meeting that I wanted to start a support group for mothers at home, and ten women-tots in tow arrived at my door, hungry for adult conversation. Within a year, word of mouth and the media had spread the news, and our group unexpectedly blossomed into a nonprofit organization for mothers who have chosen to stay at home.

We now have four mothers’ groups and dozens of other supportive services. We’ve learned so much from our experiences that others interested in networking with fellow moms at home might benefit from the ideas and experiences that helped us get started.

Need for Support

Isolation and loneliness are such universal feelings among at-home moms that Arlene Cardozo says in her book, Sequencing (New York: Atheneum, 1986) that the difficulties of adjusting to being at home are the following: loss of identity, loss of a system of rewards and expectations, and loss of a community of co-workers. All except the last usually are resolved during the first year of transition from career to home. Some women, she says, deal with these losses within themselves or have supportive extended family. Others seek out other women in similar circumstances for friendship, stimulating conversation, and networking.

Many women look to their husbands for their primary sources of support. However, no one person could ever meet all the needs another person has for support and understanding, nor would it be fair to expect this. Many mothers who choose to stay at home are coming from careers where they have learned the value of on-the-job training and expertise, work-related training, prioritizing and delegating projects, negotiating workloads, and stress and time management. These women usually had established support systems by networking with other professionals who understand the difficulties and joys of their professions. As women move their careers to the home front, they are learning to transfer skills to their new profession: Mothering.

Finding Other Moms at Home

Today’s families are so mobile that they often are distant from their relatives. Their frequent moves also make it more difficult to establish close or lasting friendships.

This lack of close friends can cause the mother at home to feel even more lonely and isolated. Maybe that’s why today’s at-home mom is making more efforts to create a circle of friends for herself. When she moves, she often places high on her list of priorities finding a neighborhood where there will be other mothers home during the days. Actually accomplishing this, though, may be quite a feat. Some women visit the prospective neighborhoods and parks during the day; they ask about other mothers at home at community centers, public schools, libraries, and nursery schools.

Some churches and organizations like the YWCA, Welcome Wagon, and La Leche League help parents network with one another. Many are supportive of mothers who have chosen to stay at home, and some even have groups especially for full-time mothers. These groups may provide meeting places where mothers can talk and children can play. Some may even provide services such as workshops and family programs. Many times, mothers will meet each other while participating in these activities and will decide to get together outside class.

About the Author

Jody Johnston Pawel is a Licensed Social Worker, Certified Family Life Educator, second-generation parent educator, founder of The Family Network, and President of Parents Toolshop Consulting. She is the author of 100+ parent education resources, including her award-winning book, The Parent’s Toolshop. For 25+ years, Jody has trained parents and family professionals through her dynamic workshops and interviews with the media worldwide, including Parents and Working Mother magazines, and the Ident-a-Kid television series. Jody currently serves as the online parenting expert for Cox Ohio Publishing’s mom-to-mom websites and also serves on the Advisory Board of the National Effective Parenting Initiative.

What do you think of the Tot mom?

Ok I just saw on the news that this little poor missing girl’s mom is in jail for the 3rd time…
Hm. she should go to jail for decades for not caring,not even letting a single tear on her face!

Yea, I was also watching, omg. you can tell shes like a sociopath
liar or something. She really needs help and therapy.
her mom is so oblivious to her daughters lies. Doesnt she know her
own daughter, I think by know she nows the truth.
But there showing that she might be in Texas or Mexico.
I just hope and pray to god that shes alive. She doesnt deserve a
baby like her. Im 43 and I cant have any more children, when I see
things like this happen, well you idiot whyu didnt you just give the
child up for adoption or something why hurt them, or give them to
parents that really want to be parents, dont you think so?

Breaking Anthony News

Teaching kids to be organized is like shoveling while it’s snowing. It’s frustrating and at times you feel like you’re not getting anywhere. The good news is that it’s possible to raise organized children, the bad news is it isn’t a one shot deal.

First you have to realize that organizing is a process. It’s very much like helping them with their homework, it takes guidance and three crucial ‘P’s’ – planning, patience and perseverance.

Second you need to model effective organization yourself. Set a positive example by de-cluttering your own life. Figure out what organization means to you. Is it’s a neat and tidy appearance or a system that really works to keep you on top of all that’s your life?

Personally when I’m organized, I feel things are more orderly and less stressful. I want to teach my kids how they can organize their own lives and gain the same sense of order and satisfaction.

For me, learning how to organize was all about getting things in order. It was about creating a system that works and about being prepared for anything that came around the corner. It was also about being able to do what I needed or wanted when I needed or wanted to do it.

Children learn what they live. If you model an organized system then you’ll find that not only your household and schedules will run more efficiently and with less stress but you’ll be teaching your child an important lesson in responsibility.

Kids won’t care less about being organized unless you make it personal and bring it down to their level. It has to make sense to them. They need to see the benefits of putting things away and the value of getting rid of things they don’t need.

Organizing our minds is the first step in organizing our lives. Without clear thoughts we’re unable to come up with effective systems that will actually stand the test of time. We can de-clutter with the best of intentions but without the right thoughts communicating the right actions we revert back to old habits. A clear focus, a positive mindset and a solid maintenance system will propel you and your kids into a life that not only looks organized but actually is.

Learning how to effectively sort, purge and categorize is the key to an organized lifestyle. Encourage these skills by seeking assistance around the house. Enlisting your children’s help sorting socks and putting away clean dishes sets the framework for other sorting and organizing activities.

Granted, not everyone is born organized but don’t discount your child’s natural tendencies. Just because she approaches things in a different way than you don’t assume she isn’t organized. Chances are good your organizing system and any natural systems your children will develop may not match yours. For instance, your child may prefer to organize her closet by color where you prefer to organize by item (e.g. short sleeve shirts in one spot, long sleeve shirts in another).

One of the best ways of encouraging organization in your kids is to hold family meetings on a regular basis. Use the meeting to discuss what’s working and what’s not. It’s also the perfect opportunity to set priorities and talk about future plans and goals. Touching base at the start of the week may be all that’s needed to keep on top of everyone’s projects and commitments. Another benefit to the family meeting is that children get to see just how everyone’s needs can be meet with a little organizational give and take.

Sherrie Le Masurier is a lifestyle columnist, organizing consultant and a member of Professional Organizers in Canada. She offers up smart solutions for busy families via http://www.familysanitysavers.com – Copyright.

Casey Anthony Home Web. Cam

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